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When I went up to 192 lbs and why



Have you ever had self-image issues, or have you ever been so self conscious that you are so worried about what other people might see in you or think of you that you can't even look in the mirror and be happy with what you see? 


I started suffering from self image issues from the age of 14 and that was my first year of dieting, which sent me into a downhill spiral with the most awful relationship with food and body for the next 20 years.


I started dieting and exercising from a very young age and not once did I ever lose weight. The only time I lost weight was when I actually had the motivation to impress a boy. It's nuts, isn't it? That we actually don't make decisions that are right for us.  

I kept doing that all the way until the age of 23, and believe me, I've made everybody around me closest to me miserable because I was so unhappy with myself that I was such an angry bitch, but that's not fair, isn't it? But all my friends love me because they never saw that side of me. But deep down inside, I was so unhappy with who I was. So at the age of 23, I decided to leave Montreal and just jump off and go off to Hong Kong, thinking, "You know what? No one knows me there. It's a new life. I can be whoever I want." And I could get over the self image issue.


But guess what? I get to Hong Kong. I'm 150 pounds. And every single girl in that society is around 100 pounds. So of course me being 5'8" and 150 pounds, I'm pretty fit. However, when I stood beside all these girls who were 100 pounds, my whole self image issues just flared up all over again. I started feeling really obese. I couldn't be happy with who I was. So I swung to the flip side. I started partying. I started keeping myself distracted, not to be by myself because I couldn't be my myself. I was not happy. I was miserable about being, in my mind, obese. So I went through years of partying, and after two and a half years, guess what? I went from 150 pounds to 192 pounds. My worst fear come true.

Even worse, I didn't even realize I was gaining that much weight. I thought I was getting an extra 10 pounds, which I guess I could live with, but I ballooned up 40 pounds in two and a half years. And I realized when I stepped on that scale, I thought, "This has to stop. Something's got to give." I remember on that scale, I said to myself, "I will make changes." Because I love eating. I love food. I love wine. I love anything that's free and fun. But I was not free. And I was not having fun in the way that I should. So I decided to make some changes in my life and to work on the mindset around it. So by the age of 32, this is about three years later, I got down to about 135 pounds and I have kept it off since then. And guess what? I'm still eating pizzas. I'm still drinking juices. I'm still eating French fries. I don't care for salad. And the crazy thing is, all I did was make some tweaks to the way I think, and to my lifestyle. And prioritizing certain activities that fit into my lifestyle without trying to be somebody I'm not. But guess what? It took me years to figure out the formula of what really works, while living with freedom to be, and to eat and to do whatever you want, and still look great. So I want to be able to walk you through that process and not let you have to suffer 10 years, 15 years of misery, and help you achieve that level of self worth that you will start making the right changes for yourself and what is right for you. And I can't wait to take you there because it's the greatest life you can live just to be you.

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©2020 by Susan Hum