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When I got WAY too comfortable in a sexless life being HAPPY



Hey, everyone. I want to talk today about being single. What it means to be single and how it feels to be single. In my 20s, I was single for literally 10 years in Asia. Believe me, that is hyper Sex in The City single, right? Where it's like active going out, meeting people all the time, bars, restaurants. It's like that type of high life.


But you know what? The crazy thing is 10 years, I really lost sense of what it is to even be with somebody anymore. It was man after man. I met dozens of men, dated dozens of men. It comes to the point, it's like, "Oh my gosh. It's never going to happen." It crosses our mind, right, that it's never going to happen. But one of the things that I've really had to turn around during that time, it was so difficult because it's like, I was so tired, but yet so inspired because I knew that he had to show up. Right? And then I remember I was 27 years old, 27, 28. And I met a group of really amazing guys, but they were gay. And there was a group of us that we became so close, and literally for two straight years then, and then we were hanging around with each other and I realized how happy I was. I was so thrilled. I was still dating, but not as crazy as before, because I was just partying with my gay crowd. And honestly, when I look back now, it's probably one of the most beautiful times of my life, because it enabled me to really just accept who I was. They loved me for who I was, and I didn't even have to worry about trying to be anybody anymore. And for two straight years, I realized, "Geez, life is beautiful." And I didn't need love. I even forgot that I hadn't even dated in three months. And there was one day where I really thought felt, I really thought to myself, "Oh my gosh, hold on. When was the last time I had sex? Why am I so happy?" And then it dawned on me at that moment, I was about 29 and I thought, "Holy moly, I have to do something. Life is way too comfortable. Life is way too happy. I have everything I need, except love in terms of romantic love." My dream of wanting to find my knight in shining armor my, my dream of marrying somebody that's beautiful and that will be able to take care of me and I take care of him. I had to recapture that again. And so at the age of 30, I decided to leave Hong Kong, where I was the most happiest. And everybody was like, "What are you doing? You're giving up this amazing life that we have together. You're leaving us. And just when we're just at the height of our happiness." And I thought, "I really have to go back to my dream, which was to find Mr Wonderful, and to allow Mr Wonderful in. And I can't do that by being so happy, just being me and just being happy, not having to date or find love." So I left, I left Hong Kong and went to Singapore. And I would live my single life again. And I went right back into it.

But because of my time, those two to three years of just being loved unconditionally for who I was, and me not even needing to be with somebody or to date like a maniac, I was able to recalibrate and find myself, and to know really what I wanted because I had both now. I had happiness, I have contentment. And then I have everything else. So I really made a decision to go for love. And so I went to Singapore and it was then, it was two years later that I actually found love and it's never the way that I ever thought it would come. And we've been together now 16 years.

I just wanted to share that with you all that no matter how happy you are single, no matter how happy you are being loved by the circles that you are loved by, never ever give up on the dream of finding love and having love for you, if that's really what you want. Because the moment you find yourself and you're happy, the moment it comes, that's all I wanted to tell you. So don't be too happy being sexless, or don't be too happy being too happy. Don't forget your dream. Don't get too comfortable. That's all I want to say.

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©2020 by Susan Hum