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When I First Got Married, I Lied to Myself



Hey, everyone. I want to talk a little bit about personal truth, and somebody asked me a question the other day and they said, well, what does personal truth mean? What does it look like? What does it mean to you? Personal truth.


And so I want to talk a little bit about that because it's probably one of the most important things that I have learned in my life. I want to tell you a story. When I first got married, when I first got together with my husband, I was single for 10 years prior to that. And I made the best of my single years, which I'll tell you in another story. But I went from being absolutely 2,000% Sex in a City single in Hong Kong and Singapore, to all of a sudden jumping into a life of being a wife, being a stepmom to a three year old boy. And I just went all out. That's the thing with me. I'm like all out, all or nothing. I went from Sex in the City single to completely married, dedicated to be the most wonderful wife, and stepmom to my family. So of course I went into it full on. I completely, you would never recognize me from one stage to another because when I became a wife and a stepmom, I just took it on like, I'm going to take care of this boy. I'm going to take him to school. I'm going to teach him. I'm going to cook. I was working full-time as a, I was a broker within a financial services firm. So I was working full-time as super stepmom, as super wife. It was insane. And all I wanted was my stepson, Andrew, to be totally great in his life, totally happy, and my husband to actually thrive in his career and be able to take his career to the next levels. Of course, me, I still ran for my goal. I still went for, I still tried to be the most successful in my job, but I didn't go for career advancement because to me, my objective was family. Now, one of the things I realized that three years in, I was hyper miserable, but I didn't realize it. And I was driving my husband absolutely nuts because anything he did, I would be so demanding because I wasn't happy, but yet he would still give me whatever I demanded. But yet I was, I became more of a rage. I asked for more, I asked for different, I asked. It came to the point where I was so bad to him in terms of not even ever being satisfied. And of course my stepson didn't see this because I hide it so well, but my husband got the brunt of it. And one day he asked me, he asked me a really important question. He goes, "Susan, what do you want to make you happy? What is going to absolutely make you happy?" And I thought, holy crap, I couldn't even answer that damn question. I'm like, I don't even know anymore. I've completely lost myself. And you know what? That was the moment I made a big decision. Andrew was in grade one, actually he was in grade two and I said, you know what? I need my social life. I literally went the last three, four years without a social life. How can I do that? I went from Miss Social Queen for 10 years to being married and with a stepson and completely isolated with just family and my work colleagues. So what I did, I started becoming friends with the moms in the class and I started becoming so much happier, and you see the thing is I discovered at that point that my personal truth is the person that I was before. We cannot reject the parts of us that made us happy at one point or another. It's just a matter of just bringing it forward and integrating it. So when I integrated my social part of myself, my connection with other people and being a part of a community in the world and friends and fun, that's when my life completely changed. And so really my personal truth is I'm a really social person. I need to be amongst people. I need to always be helping people and I need to integrate that. It's not one or the other. And I've just really over the last 16 years, I've proven to myself that yes, you can have everything. You can have fun, you can have great friends, great relationships, great family, great son, great everything, wealth. And the only way you can do that is owning your personal truth. You are everything, anything you want. That's how I made my life hum in the most optimal way.



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©2020 by Susan Hum