Walking away from someone. So what really stops us?
You know that moment where your gut tells you, you want out? And then you know that the next step is to take action. And all of a sudden you get stuck. Because at that point, our brain starts kicking in with these stories and excuses of, "Oh, it's going to be unfair to that person." Or, "It's wrong to walk away from somebody and not give them a chance over and over and over again." Well, that was the case for me and my first longterm relationship of nine years with Rob. Yes, I was a teenager, but still. In the first three years, it was great. We were having a great time getting to know each other, all these adventures, going out, just exploration. It was wonderful until it wasn't. In about the third year, I started realizing that I want out. Not because he was a bad person. He was amazing. It was me. I felt trapped from having the ability to go and explore even more of myself. But I was so scared to be alone. So I started creating all of these stories that, "You know what? Maybe I'm wrong. Maybe we'll just give it another chance. We'll force it. I can force it. I can stay in this situation and maybe I'll love him more." But it never ever happened that way. I started cheating on him. I started lying, taking advantage, hurting him badly for years. I stretched that out for another five years. It's ridiculous. All because I was scared shit about being alone. So finally, I didn't walk away. And you know what happened that moment that I made that decision? Is because I took ownership of everything that was wrong with me. I stopped blaming anybody else. I knew that with him, I would never be able to become a better person. I knew I couldn't change and fix the shit about me by being with him. So instead of keep hurting him, I made the decision to face my fears, to be alone. My name is Susan Hum, and I am the master of making decisions and taking action. I have lived the last 25 years studying the art of living in the dark to try to find that structure within me, the boundaries, my strengths, my limits. And that's why I have the power to handhold anybody through that darkness and uncertainty. So I can help you really find that certainty within you.
Trust me, let me walk you hand-in-hand through that darkness and find the power of who you are.