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I'm NOT judgemental, but I did learn how to judge myself.



Hey, everyone. I want to talk a little bit about the word judgment.

It's so hilarious because I had a conversation with a friend of mine today, this morning, and she was just going on and on about, you know, not feeling like she's aligned or she's just feeling so sad or depressed or angry with herself because, you know, she wasn't achieving what she wanted to, but then she couldn't tell me what is it that she couldn't achieve, and I remember it just brought me back to my days growing up when I was really young and I just wanted to be the best of everything, you know, and I was hyper competitive and I just drove myself to being the best of the best. It became very competitive and I would actually steamroll people or not even care about them for me to win. I became such a rebel, but it was a rebel in disguise. It was not good because I would look like I have it all together. I would look like this powerful girl that just had it all together and knew what she wanted, went for what she wanted and people would be really impressed. But then I would come home, I'd be alone and I'd be thinking to myself that I'm just not that great, I'm always never good enough. I remember the moment I was working in Hong Kong, because I had to leave everything because I had so much anger inside of me, but you can't tell from the outside. I thought, "Oh geez." You know, and I never realized back then, but looking back today, I was hyper judgmental. I judged everything. I judged everything as being right or wrong, I judged everything as being good or bad. I judged everything as being better or worse. It was tormenting me with so much anger and dissatisfaction with life. So I've decided to take the drastic route and I completely left Canada, where I was born, and I went off to Asia where no one knew me and I could be whoever I wanted to be, I could completely change the patterns of how I operate. I tell you what I've found with that is, I found myself and I had to find a way to not live with anger. One of the things I discovered is, what judgment really is all about. When I was speaking to my friend this morning, I was saying to her, I said, "Well, are you judgemental?" She said, "No, I'm not. I don't have any judgment in me because I've been working on that for so many years. I don't judge anybody, I accept everybody and love everybody as they are." And I said, "Yeah, well, great. Because me too." But, so my question is, if we don't have a judgment bone in our body, why do we judge ourselves? That's how I came over the whole judgment thing of myself and instead of trying to fight not being judgmental of others, I had to be honest with myself and saying to myself, "Gosh, I'm the worst judgmental person in the world." Then guess what? It's the truth. When I actually said that to myself, I really had to sit in that judgmental side of me and I realized, "Gosh, I got to stop judging myself. I got to start looking at the good stuff and feeding on the good stuff and looking at the negative stuff, but not feeling that unworthiness part of me." I just wanted to tell you guys that it's okay to be judgmental. Only once you're going to tell yourself the truth like I did, I just was able to then say, "You know what? Stop judging myself. Life is not great and it's not great, but let's make it better." That's how I managed to really bring the greatest optimized humming of my life, is when I integrated with that concept of self judgment. Don't be so hard on ourselves. Life is so much better when we're not, and that's the way I really felt better.

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©2020 by Susan Hum