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Forgot Who The Hell I Was!



Now, here's what not to do in personal growth.


I was single for 10 years in my 20s, happily single. By the 10th year, I was really full-on super happy and really enjoying my lifestyle. I was in a good career, everything was going great. And then I met the one at the age of 32. You see, I went from happening Sex and the City single in Hong Kong and Singapore, to overnight married with a stepson of two and a half years old and just living the most calm life. I was working a full-time career in financial services in a brokerage firm, and I was basically running a full-time job running to the school, picking up my stepson, making sure the food is on the table. And of course, my husband at that time never asked me to do it. I was the stupid one that thought I was miss superhero that is here to save the world that works for everybody because I can handle everything. So as you know, that doesn't work all the time, because guess what? Four years later, I crashed. And the crazy thing is no one knew what I was going through. I did ... Well, first of all, I didn't even really go out and socialize. I didn't really have any friends. I had my family here. My siblings, my parents are all here in Montreal. But I came back from Asia, I didn't make any new friends here again because I'd been gone for so long. So really all I had was my family and my husband and my stepson. So I basically crashed because I went into such a deep lonely mode. But of course, nobody knew because I just suffered alone. I go to work, I had my colleagues and they wouldn't know because I'm just this bubbly Susan at work. Serious, and I looked like I had it all going on. But I would come home and my stepson would not even ever see it because I would never show him any part of me that was unhappy, I would never take anything out on him. But guess what? I took it out on my husband. I took it out on Kevin big time. I would be demanding. He would try to make me happy by delivering whatever I wanted, and then I would want more or I would want different. And next thing you know, it came to the point where it was just miserable. One day he asked me the life-changing question, "What will make you happy? What makes you happy? Just tell me clearly, because everything you say you want, I give it to you or I do it for you and you're still not happy. So tell me clearly, what do you want?" I looked at him. I had no idea how to answer him. This is the ridiculous thing, I have no idea how to answer him. And I thought, "Oh boy, something's got to change." So that was the moment I made a change. I started making friends with the moms in the class, I started having a social life. I started having nights, going out, traveling with our girlfriends. And you know what? The great thing is I combined the two because I was making really great friends. My best friends were in the class as moms, and we would be having our playdates together. But the moms would get together and socialize, and my life changed overnight. I became fulfilled again. It was as easy as that, but I went through four years of absolute misery.


So here's what not to do in personal growth, don't ever forget about yourself. Today, I focus on making sure I'm okay. Because if I'm okay, everybody else is okay too.

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©2020 by Susan Hum